Dane Cook

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Американский стэндап-комедиант, актёр, режиссёр, сценарист и продюсер
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As if today couldn't get any more bad ass. My good buddy @sebastianbach just sent me a copy of his new book '18 and Life on Skid Row' which I can't wait to read tomorrow. I hear it's incredible from all my rocker friends. If you have never heard the story of how Bach & I met here it is again real quick. I was on a flight in 2009 and saw this gigantic robot walk onto the flight wearing the coolest sunglasses ever created and his hair was beautiful like Moses. It took me 3 seconds to realize who it was as he settled into his seat. I got on Twitter and posted, "Sebastian Bach is on my flight.. I kind of hope the plane goes down just to hear him scream." One minute later I hear "HEYYYY YOUUUUU!!!" I look up and Bach is slowly walking towards me finger raised, "I FOLLOW YOU MANNNNN!!" And he started laughing the best evil, cool, silly laugh in the history of laughter. And loud. The whole plane stopped and watched him stare down at me in my seat. We chatted loudly for a few and from there stayed in touch and hang from time to time. I've seen him perform so many times and I stand by this... one of the greatest rock voices ever. Thanks brother for this and congrats - YOU WROTE THIS MANNNNNN
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You don't understand how much this picture means to me. Can't really think let alone type. (15 minutes later) Okay.. I was driving to the gym. I see this gentleman walk literally in front of my truck and I know I know him. It's Anthony Daniels @StarWars C-3PO in the flesh (as opposed to in his goldenrod encasing) walking across the road. I was kinda stuck in a stare with my entire youth whipping by me. I pulled over immediately and knew when he pointed at something it was him. Just his pointing gesture screamed 3PO. I ran up to him in the least creepiest way a fan can stalk a person. He was walking with his wife. "Excuse me sir," I said not trying to being ironic with the dialogue from a conversation with Han Solo in Star Wars : Episode IV - A New Hope. He turned and could not have been more pleasant and engaging. His wife Agnes was also so welcoming and cool. I thanked him for his work and for my childhood. How I would actually play with my C-3PO action figures which in essence meant I was hanging with Anthony Daniels for a long time. He offered up a photo and the Rouge One billboard was behind us. He positioned us to that the pic and he suddenly decided it wasn't a good spot because we couldn't see the billboard. "Let's go to the middle of the street and get it from the divider." He offered. I said "I don't wanna get us killed here." But he insisted without offering up any odds of that happening. Before we crossed the busy road I said, "Anthony might I say we are about to take an adventure together?" He smiled and said, "we sure are." He asked if I was going to be a the premiere later and I said I wouldn't miss it but first I had to go photoshop sleeves onto my shirt so I look presentable. He shook my hand and I thanked them both. I had to watch him walk away down Sunset Blvd picturing him walking towards the setting suns on Tatooine over a dune.
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Fahhhkin' holiday pahhhty time yo with @jaime_king & many more.
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I was watching a documentary about earthquakes last night. I had no idea about San Francisco's nickname.
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I found a ton of great pix on yet another hard drive I forgot I had! With the talented and effervescent @dpanabaker at our Mr. Brooks movie premiere. During one of my hottest streaks in comedy Kevin Costner took a chance on me and cast me in a straight dramatic role and what a dark and wild ride it was. I learned so much and the impact of that performance dictates the kind of projects I patiently wait for today. I've got another dramatic role in American Exit this year that I think is the best work I've done period. A highlight moment of my life was the @newyorktimes saying, "The power of the performance lies in Mr. Cook's ability to make his character horrendous but ordinary, even familiar, and thus more appalling: a grandiose, macho nudnik with a raging ego and a hair-raising sense of grievance. Playing off Mr. Costner's cool, meticulous killer, he's a wild mess, arrogantly braying at Mr. Brooks while secretly shooting him anxious glances, freezing in fear at decisive moments, then cackling in borrowed triumph over foul deeds well done." A lot better than when the @washingtonpost said of my work in Simon Sez, "Dane Cook gives one of the worst performances to ever disgrace the silver screen." You gotta admit both are kind funny. Ha.
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#fbf 10 years ago Tourgasm aired on HBO. I recently watched some of it again and couldn't help but laugh at some things, myself, the changes ahead and some of the stand up that still has some shelf life (thank you comedy gods). A lot has happen since then. I became a better business person, a better friend & much better to myself. I appreciate that moment so much more as it prepared me for battles ahead that were unforeseen. Because I showed myself and people that watched how to create something from nothing and share that good will with everyone. It was never suppose to air on HBO but they loved the footage and thought this would be a great companion piece to Vicious Circle also airing that year on HBO. I had a rough assembly of footage that was really only for fans but we cut together as much as we could and made a series I'm proud to have directed and produced. This is a great week and this pic given the news I got yesterday reminds me that it's all about staying focused, healthy, positive and not fucking quitting or being half assed. So much to look forward to in 2017.
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#tbt with my sister @_courtneycook_ when the xmas tree we bought & decorated had a nest of freshly hatching brown recluse spiders in it and we had to pronto get that tree the f outta the living room. Ornaments, lights & tinsel with a plastic bag over it and dragged it out to the street instantly We got more lights and decorated the exercise bike - probably the most action that bike ever got. # #
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Celebrating incredible news tonight. January 1st I wrote down something I was going to accomplish this year. Today the contracts came in and I'm thrilled to share the good news next week. This one is for you mom!
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Have a very sophisticated holiday time!
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I miss my mom today so much it hurts. I'm so happy that I would randomly save her voicemails before she passed away. I love you mom thank you for believing in me thank you for giving me life.
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I also created a few other stinky candles. Long Lines That's My Fucking Parking Space Bitch Whatever Under The Stove Asshole In July
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When @evanrachelwood aka Dolores aka Wyatt aka Westworld Hostess with the Mostess dubsmashes you better than you do it yourself. #ididmybest
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Last night Nick Cannon wore this shit. He put this on his head and he looked in a mirror and he walked away from the mirror without saying to himself, "Hey self mayyyyyybe I shouldn't look like Zoltan and wear a fuhhhhhking pink turban with one of the infinity stones from Avengers on it." He went outside and people didn't stop him and say "Nick Cannon from Americas Best Talents Competition we love you so please remove that from your head please and thank you." He wore a matching tie and bottom lip lipstick too to match this horrific clothing mistake x10000. This pic makes me so frustrated that I want to delete it already and I think I will because this makes me want to quit Instagram. Don't get me wrong Nick is a good guy and he and I go way back but I'm gonna have to call Nick out here and say he Cannon't wear this fuuuuucking thing again. I just opened my fridge and randomly punched into it in utter disbelief. I also just called hammered a nail into my own tire so I could walk into the woods off the side of a rural highway to spit on a birds nest. Ahhhh I've been ranting since my Voice of Doom 12 years ago on my website. Follow meeeeeeeee. Hahahaahhaah
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The gym done almost killt me today.
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Meet my new friend Lily!
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#reunited
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#flaxmaster after #equinox after #patriots victory before #codenames before #westworld before #battlefield1 All on #sundayfunday before #makeithappenmonday
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#SNOWDAYLA
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#tbt
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REPOST FROM @vinnyfasline #tbt to our blood drive last year. @DaneCook and I met some great kids like Vincent pictured here. He is fighting Leukemia and he is very inspiring... We have another blood drive this weekend at Children's Hospital LA and these kids need your help. Go to my last photo to find the links and sign up to donate. Please help make a difference. Thanks guys love you all.
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#mood
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#tbt to 9th grade in Arlington, Massachusetts and a pivotal year i my life. A year that put everything that I dreamed of into the realm of actuality. This song was playing on the bus to Minuteman Tech High School in Lexington when my balls grew a little and I was to ride home that day with a new plan but let's back up to when my balls were smaller. My parents were always supportive but concerned. Worried that I didn't have a path to being able to take care of myself after high school ended. They asked me to go to MTHS to learn a trade, it was after all a vocational tech establishment and there a kid could learn about air conditioners or agriculture or cooking. In other words if you didn't have the grades and were not scholastics you could go here and learn a trade. So I went. I was miserable. I had no friends because I was such an introvert. I would go and sit in my classes just daydreaming about adventure and seeing the world. I think my first cognitive thought about "who I was" was a wanderer. I wondered if I could get paid to wander and observe (little did I know that was exactly my life ahead). I decided to give it my best and take a computer class. I took a liking to computers and we played around with something called Photoshop (they too would have quite a career ahead) and I learned how to make an outline of a circle turn solid and fill it in with different color. I also learned something about vectors , layers & fonts. I excelled in this class and made my first flier for my first gig years later with the knowledge I gathered in my computer class. One day I rode the bus home and was listening to this song, "Livin On A Prayer" and allowed the words to wash over me. "ohhhh we're halfway there, ohhhh livin' on a prayer." It occurred to me I wasn't even halfway to livin' anywhere except my moms basement forever.. and to boot I didn't really pray so I was really nowhere. I went home and told my mom I was switching to Arlington High School to take drama, creative writing and journalism. She was on board immediately. My mom was a future see'er and I knew it and she knew what I was gonna do the whole time. My dad on the other hand was no happy. He asked about
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It's amazing to go back and watch Jim Carrey on In Living Color. His commitment is un-fucking-real. The voices, the mannerism & his physicality. The guy just owned any scene he was in. His range amazing too from this to Eternal Sunshine On A Spotless Mind. A great actor and just truly a gifted comedian. #legend
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#home
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New creations in 2017 that will keep you entertained.
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Patrice O'Neal we miss you man. I keep Bruisers hat that his beautiful mother Georgia gave to me in my office. Her and my mom would watch Patrice & I perform at the Comedy Connection when we were coming up. One of the best comedians I've ever shared the stage with.
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Official birthday dinner last night with @richard_pollman was just a great great night with excellent friends.
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#mytheory
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You have to think better of yourself in all instances, that means also having the instincts to know you are in uncharted territory and relinquishing power. Make solid plans daily and don't deviate into someone else's game plan.. finish what's started regardless of the outcome. People that respect you will be there the next day and won't undermine you.. furthermore anyone depleting your energy talking about themselves constantly and how much life is straining them - no. Be there for support not foundation. I don't let negative people wrangle me into their circle (their loop ha) I just let them chase their own tail. Silence is a fortress of fire with a mirrored door. If someone pushes you.. mentally or physically you have every right to push back. There are some lines that can't be crossed. Anyone can be a bully. It's easy. It's empty. It's probably the only title that person will ever know. You don't have to retaliate against a self destructive entity. Be it man or establishment. The only people, places or things with longevity are those that are loved, supported and cared for. 2017 is the year of completion.
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I have quite possibly the greatest friends you could hope to find in life. When I bought my home several years ago my goal was to open it up and enjoy hosting people. Wishes do come true. From my annual BBQ (which @marcmaron & @peteholmes tried to destroy.. haha), holiday feasts, Sunday movie / Thrones / Westworld nights to quite honestly sitting around my fire pit and just talking all night looking over this city of madness. The truth is LA used to be such a challenge it was against me when I was younger but now with some grey on me and a better perspective I love it here. It's where I planted my flag at a time when I was killing it in NYC every night but then hatched a plan. Be the first east coast comic in LA to break thru and lead the way. That's what I did. Recreating the touring system, developing a digital imprint & doing it grassroots style with a modern way to facilitate. All the while searching for true friends to celebrate it all with. I found that the last few years. My Thanksgiving silent cheers was to all the wonderful talented people that put ego aside and just talk shit and explore ideas and laugh a whole bunch while unwinding together. More tags!! @b_burk @brentmorin @rickglassman @jondewalt @lookatdembugs @ericblackmon @lifebetterlived @mikaela @brittanyfurlan @joeykingactress @hunterkingactress @sethgreen @claregrant @nattcity @therealjeffreyross @bradwilliamscomic @beckyrobinson4 @maudegarrett @louisamantiofficial @yarvoyarvo @titinaserena @gracevandien @saxonpaigesharbino @carringtondurham @zacharylevi @jerryferrara @jamielynnsigler @ivanalmeidarodrigues @danielvankirk @jaredlotz @ceciliasingley @fakeworksince1978 @davidgonzaleztv @fernandaromeroo PLEASE if there is anyone I forgot (some I just couldn't find an IG .. Ivan?!) let me know! For real my thumb hurts.
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#
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#wazey